Last year my husband and I got divorced and it was a torrid time for both myself and the family. In fact had it not been for the incredible support and professionalism of Marrison Family Law here in Colorado Springs, there is no way that we could have got through this as well as well did. I must admit that things were also made easier because of the state we are in, here in Colorado we have a no-fault policy which means the details of the reason for divorce aren’t brought into proceedings, and we also have a process by which the judge decides on the division of assets and custody if the partners can’t make a decision, something which me and my ex most certainly didn’t. No matter what the laws are in your state, a divorce is very tough and this is the impact it has had on my family.
My ex and I really did our best to try and shield the kids from the nastiness of the divorce, something which wasn’t easy given how unreasonable my ex partner was. Despite our best efforts however our kids now have a mum and dad who are not together and that can have a huge impact on them. My youngest went through a stage of bad behavior for around 6 months, something which is completely unlike him, and my middle daughter believed that much of the break up was her fault. Slowly but surely the kids are now in a better routine and they have learned to understand that sometimes these things happen, and it isn’t their fault. The process was hard, and each day is a struggle to be honest.
I got custody of the kids and this brought with it its own struggles as I was trying to look after them and shield them from emotional harm, whilst at the same trying to mourn the death of my marriage. Having kids can be great for distracting you but the flip side of that is that you also don’t get the time that you need to properly work on yourself. I have been making good progress of late however, reclaiming my life and spending some much needed time on myself were possible. The message here is that things do slowly get better, you just have to be patient and trust in the process.
Something which many divorced mothers will tell you about is the pain of the kids loving spending time with their father, because they get to do all the fun stuff with them during their 2 days a week. I am the one who does all the daily things with the kids, the boring stuff, and they get to spend a couple of fun days a week with the kids. You have to remember that whilst they are happy now, they will realize when they grow up just what you have done for them during this time.
Divorce is very tough but you can get through it and things will get better.